(On Online Dating, Long-Distance Relationship, & Interracial Marriages)
Never in my wildest imagination did I think that I’d fell in love with a foreigner. I have everything planned in my life; finish my degree, accept the station manager position that’s waiting for me in a local FM station in our place; and just wait for the right guy to marry; and settle down near my parent’s place. My ex was part of the “future” I planned but even if he’s not part of it anymore, I still have to go on with everything. Like what they say; “life goes on”.
It was in my 2nd semester of 2007-2008 when I have to be on the net everyday to read current events around the world since we have a quiz on it everyday in one of my major subject that I stumbled upon a free online dating site owned by a Filipina and her American husband. I read success stories of Filipina-Western relationships on that site. I got curious and signed up too. I said to myself I just want to know if anybody would show any interest in me, but deep inside I’m telling myself that no one would. Besides that was just months after I broke up with my ex and I was not ready to enter into another relationship.
I was shocked when after just about 3 days since I signed up on that site, I got a LOT of emails from guys from different places in the world. Honestly, I was flattered but I decided to be honest with everyone. I replied to all of them, told them thank you for showing interest, but I’m not looking for someone to start a relationship with. I said I just joined the site out of curiosity. I guess some of them were pissed but there was one guy who told me that I should have known that I’d be “gobbled up quickly” in those kinds of sites or anywhere else since he said I am a beautiful lady. Haha!!! I said “thank you” and decided not to update my profile anymore.
But I still got a lot of emails from other guys so I said to myself I could probably used some friends; online friends. Besides there’s no harm they can do since it’s just an online friendship. So I started responding to some guys who seemed ok to me but I’ve been honest with them in the first place. Some stayed in touch but some didn’t, I guess because they want something more from me. Most of them would tell me that I’m very pretty and that they would really love to get to know me better and see me in person, even in their first emails. I dismissed those kind of guys immediately cause I’m not that naïve about flattery and stuff. But there was one guy who sent me a very short email. Just introduced himself and told me that if I want to know him better, I should send him an email. I said, “wow, this is different; no flattery and straight to the point”. So out of curiosity, I emailed him back. And that’s how it all started.
Before we knew it we were keeping in touch and telling each other about things and about ourselves; about our past, our dreams. Soon we discovered we have a lot of things in common and somehow we seem to be doing good and going somewhere. Before we knew it we were already falling in love with each other, but we’re still so scared to admit it to one another; for a lot of reasons. He had his doubts about me; I had my doubts too.
We were both too scared to get hurt again. He had a bad experience with another Filipina before; that’s what keeping his doubts about me. I was so scared because I’ve never done this before; it never happened to me. I fell in love with a man through an online dating site, he’s from another country, different culture, and not to mention, he’s way older than me; way older.
Being the cautious people that we are, we decided to lay down everything on the table. We talked about everything that’s seems to stop us from going on in our relationship. Once we got everything out of the way, everything was good. We finally started to say “I love you’s” and really mean it. No fear; no reservations.
Soon after that, he started planning to come here in the Philippines to see me. This time, we became afraid again. Because we know his coming to see me could be a “make or break” for us. We know it’s really different seeing someone in person. And we were scared of our expectations of each other. So again, we talked about it and agreed to be honest with each other if our feelings would change once we meet in person.
So, he came to see me. We thought it would be very awkward; the first time we meet. We were very nervous, yes, but after just a few minutes, we were talking like we talked online; and everything’s good. We were together for 20 days and we both could say those were the happiest days of our lives. Everything just clicked between us that even the staff at the hotel we stayed thought we’ve been married couples for a long time.
Before he came, we’ve already talked about getting married and having family, but I never really had my hopes set high since I wanted to wait till I see him in person. I wasn’t expecting anything from him but before our 20 days came to an end, he gave me a ring and went down on his knees and asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes!!! When he went back to the US, we were already engaged.
From online dating, we moved up to having a long-distance relationship. This time it’s more difficult for us. Aside from the fact that being away from someone you love really sucks, we need to do a lot of paper works in order for him to petition me and get me there. He hired a lawyer to help us with our papers, gathered a lot of “proof of relationship” we were required to submit like pictures of us together, chat logs, letters, emails, etc, etc. And the worst part? It’s the waiting we have to do for USCIS to process and approve our K1 (Fiancée) Visa application, which would take about 6-8 months.
We looked forward to the days when we can talk and that would be in his off days from work and when I got out of school. And since US and the Philippines have a 14hour difference, we both need to sacrifice. He had to wake up early and I have to sleep late just so we can talk. He got me my own internet connection at home so I won’t have to go to a café. Every time we talked I don’t want to let him go. I just want to talk to him even though sometimes we ran out of things to say. We both agreed that long-distance relationship is a torture, and the waiting part sucks so badly. But we’re holding on. We learned how to be patient, especially me. Besides, we both know we are worth waiting for.
Oh, did I forget to mention? My parents are against us. They don’t approve of my fiancé because aside from he’s way older than me, he’s also a foreigner. The age difference may not be such a big deal for them but it’s his being from another country; his being a foreigner. They’re afraid we’ll have so many differences; that I don’t really know him; that I might be treated badly or worst than that. They’re afraid because he will be taking me away from them and he’ll bring me to the US where they can’t see me often and they won’t know if I’m ok. They said it would be best to marry my own kind, my own race because I won’t have to go to a foreign land where I won’t know any one. If I marry a Filipino, they’d feel I’m safe and they can see me any time they want. Being the youngest in our family, I was treated a baby. And I can understand why they’re worried about me.
But I convinced my parents that Phil (my fiancé) is a good man. I know it in my heart and I feel it in everything he did for me. Since I’ve known him, he never failed to find and do things that’ll make my life better. He gave me everything I need without me asking him to do so. Every little thing he does for me makes me love him more and more. And I guess that finally convinced my parents and made them change their mind about him. If ever my parents didn’t change their mind and would let me choose between them and Phil, I’m sure I’d choose him; the man I love. But thanks God, it didn’t come to that.
I know there’s someone in his family who doesn’t like me too; I remember he told me his brother said he doesn’t have to come to the Philippines to get a “girl”. But we both agreed we won’t mind what other people think and say, as long as we know in each other that we really love each other…then that’s all that matters.
Now, all we’re waiting is the approval of our petition. It may be this November or December; God willing. Then we will be living our lives together. We know it won’t always be a smooth ride in this journey we call “LIFE”, but as long as we’ll be taking this trip together, we know that everything will be fine. It’s still a long way ahead of us…but I know we’ll make it. Why? Because we love each other …that’s why.
So, how about you? What’s your story? Care to share?.....
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